From the Lawyer's Desk: The Ugly Divorce: What To Do When Your Ex Is Talking Trash About You

By Lisa G. Moore of Paule, Camazine & Blumenthal, P.C.

 When you put on that beautiful white dress and walked down the aisle so many (or not so many) years ago, you never imagined that someday the person standing next to you would intentionally say and do things to hurt you. But it happens. And when couples divorce, the process can often bring out the worst in people.

Luckily, there are a number of things that you can do when things turn ugly, and your spouse decides to use fighting words to try to get under your skin.

1) Take The High Road. It’s going to be difficult, but when your spouse starts name-calling, accusing you of misdeeds (true or untrue), or acts generally heinous, your job is to act gracious. Emily Post will beam with pride at your ability to rise above these ill-mannered ways. Most importantly, do not react to bad behavior or misconduct – which is childish, and which will begin a vicious cycle that only causes more hurt, as well as a large hole in your pocketbook for attorney fees to deal with the resulting unreasonable legal positions and difficult behaviors.

2) Give Your Spouse Enough Rope. Judges, GALs, mediators and others who make decisions in highly contested divorce cases have great noses – they have a lot of experience sniffing out the truth. If your spouse is making up stories about you and spreading rumors – hush up and let them wallow in the mud—and never join them. Give your spouse enough rope and he or she will make a mistake, and your strategy of staying composed and quiet will win in the end. Don’t play petty games—they don't help you accomplish the more important goals of your case.

3) Take Control of Your Divorce. Your character and actions, the way you make decisions and handle yourself with composure is what matters to the court. Don’t worry about the hurtful, ugly lies that your spouse is saying – instead – take control of your divorce proceedings by finding your own inner peace. Your pocketbook, and your children, will thank you when all is said and done.

Hopefully, your divorce will never turn ugly. However, many divorces can be highly emotional and painful, and require a lawyer who practices extensively with families in high conflict. The attorneys at Paule, Camazine and Blumenthal have had extensive experience in helping families through the difficult process of divorcing when one or both parties try to make the process ugly.

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