You might think this is strange for a divorce lawyer to write about, but I sometimes wonder when clients come to my office if they are really ready to get divorced. The words from the “Pina Colada song” keep playing in my brain: “I never knew….. that you liked pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, and the feel of the ocean , and the taste of champagne…Come with me and escape.” The song reminds me that sometimes what you’re looking for is what you’ve already found.
Children take time. Love and lust and time for your spouse gets lost in the midst of baseball games and soccer games and birthday parties. But despite the ups and downs, whenever you get mad at your spouse ask “Is this worth fighting about?” “Can I put up with this?” Remember that the grass is always greener, and you like pina coladas.
So if you’re thinking about divorce, first ask yourself these questions:
Have you spent any time with your spouse recently?
When as the last time you went on a weekend get-away with just your spouse?
When was the last time you asked your spouse, “How was your day?”
Are you involved in any activities with your spouse? When was the last time you suggested an outing for you and your spouse? No kids. No friends. Just the two of you.
When was the last time you thought about connecting with your spouse and your spouse’s needs?
Do you really want to live your life without that person by your side?
Not all marriages can be saved. However, not all marriages in divorce court are broken. So if you are not sure you are ready for a divorce then think about what you can do to reconnect. Do you still have feelings for your spouse? Have you tried everything you can to make things better? Have you done your level best to make it work? No, it is not easy. But the alternative isn’t always better. And it’s certainly worth one last ditch effort to try.
Obviously, there are some situations, where divorce is the only alternative: addiction for which the spouse won’t make any effort to seek help, domestic violence, emotional or physical abuse that is recurring. But if you just lost touch or the feelings are not there, then make sure you have tried before taking final steps. Many people are in my office because they believe that the grass will somehow be greener with someone else. And maybe it will be. But you owe it to yourself and your spouse, your children and your family, to find out if all is really lost before you walk out.