Community Corner

Moms Panel Kicks Off Q&A Series

The Burning Question, Should a Fifth Grader Have a Cell Phone Yet?

The Moms Talk Q&A begins with a frank discussion about cell phones amongst four of the moms who serve on the Ladue-Frontenac panel.

This is this week’s question.

Your fifth grader approaches you and asks for their own cell phone. Obviously, many parents have been in this very same situation. What would your response be to this pressing question?

Answer:

Nancy Pasternak.  “If my child in fifth grade asked for a cell phone because all his/her friends have them-I would first-point out that I don’t make parenting decisions based upon what other parents choose. However, I’d be willing to discuss his/her desire for a phone-why they felt it was needed, how it would be used, etc. And perhaps we would discuss a plan where he/she might acquire one by earning it. For example, I might agree to a cell phone in the seventh or eighth grade if they make and maintain a certain grade point average,and we do a few ‘trials’ with a temporary phone and he/she proves they can be responsible with a cell phone. Then, only would I consider it. However, I just personally don’t think any fifth grader needs a cell phone.”

Dr. Cindy Haines. “There is more than one reasonable way to address this and, as is the case with many such situations, an individualized approach may be the best approach. As there is really no ‘right’ age to jump into the ceullar pool, factors that would be considered in my family might include the maturity level of my fifth grader, his/her ability to follow rules and act responsibly, the financial considerations of an additional cell phone,and the purpose of having a cell phone in the first place. Prior to my child earning his/her cell phone privilege, a set of ‘cellular house rules’ would be drawn up. It would be clearly communicated that all cell phone activity would be monitored for appropriate use and adherence to these house rules. Consequences of inappropriate use and/or non-adherence to rules would also be clearly communicated, and would include suspension of privileges.”

Laura Falk. “My oldest child is in the second grade, so it’s a little hard to predict how things will change in the next three years but at the moment, I’d be inclined to say no. Since I work at his school (Community School), my son rides to and from with me, and I can’t imagine a situation where he’d be off on his own. And while I realize there are kids as young as seven and eight who have cell phones, I just don’t understand why they need them. If my child needed one because we had a safety or communications concern, I might be tempted to go with one of the Firefly-type phones with limited minutes and a lot of parental control-realizing this would not be a fully ‘cool’ option.”

Jayne Langsam. “Both my girls didn’t get cell phones until they graduated from the eighth grade. It was their graduation present. When they were using more email for school and needed a calendar, we got smart phones. Times are different now, and children are getting cell phones at an earlier age. The difference between want and need is a very useful conversation to have with your children. These kinds of conflicts are  a wonderful opportunity to have these conversations. It is good to give your children the opportunity to convince you why they want a phone and/or why they need a phone. No matter what you do, they have to think about it and give it some thought. It is impossible to know exactly what I would do today, but I know we would have that conversation first."


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