Moms Talk: How Do Opposing Philosophies Affect Kids?
Can St. Louis parents benefit—or harm—their children by maintaining different philosophies about religion or personal finance?
Each week, we ask St. Louisans to post comments on a range of parenting topics in Moms Talk.
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This week, we focus on a scenario that's likely to have many permutations given the diverse backgrounds of St. Louis residents. The question is this: How does diversity—of faith, personal interests and financial policy, among other components—affect your kids?
Assume the following: Your spouse is a staunch conservative; you are a wild-eyed liberal. Your spouse is Protestant; you are Jewish. Your spouse loves to hunt and fish; you can't stand the outdoors. You love to shop and spend money; your spouse drives a jalopy about 20 years old and still has his first paycheck from his first high school job.
So onto this week's question: To what degree will these philosophical gaps affect your children as they grow older? And does it really matter if they do?
Laura Falk
7:18 am on Wednesday, July 13, 2011
I think it's fine to have philosophical differences, as long as you can remain consistent in parenting practices. Inconsistency is tough on kids, since they're never sure what to expect. Having parents who disagree may even help children learn at an earlier age to develop their own opinions. I was in college before realizing I disagreed with my parents' (identical) deeply-held political beliefs.
Martha Baur
9:33 am on Wednesday, July 13, 2011
That's what keeps the conversation interesting at our dinner table. It's also fun to see which parent the child identifies herself with on issues. As long as there aren't knock down drag out fights about these differences, especially in front of the kids, philosophical gaps help create an atmosphere of thinking and understanding opinions that might differ from your own.
Dr. Cynthia (Cindy) Haines
3:45 pm on Wednesday, July 13, 2011
I agree with Laura and Martha; difference of opinions is not only inevitable, it is often a good thing! Our children will come to find out sooner rather than later that it is impossible for everyone to agree on everything. Just as it is impossible to please everyone all (or even part) of the time. Matching one's opinions to those around them is a sure-fire recipe for losing oneself in the mix. Was it Katherine Hepburn who said, "It you always do what interests you, at least one person will be pleased."? Same goes for forming your own opinions. At least one person will agree with them. (Dr. Cindy Haines, www.drcindyhaines.com, author of The New Prescription: How to Get the Best Health Care in a Broken System)
Jayne Langsam
5:53 pm on Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Differences are a part of life, and a part of you that makes you an individual. It is important that your children know your views while at the same time not judging your spouses views. That is not always easy. As your children get older, it is also important to discuss their individual views and let them defend them. It makes for great discussions.